Have you followed my advice and strayed away from the entire world’s toxicity? If you did, then good for you, you have cleared the air around, a great deal. If you still don’t feel cleaner, then we’ve got a lot of work to do. On this article, we are going to redirect the talk and put some criticisms on you, instead of the toxic people, toxic schedules and toxic events nearby. Why do we have to do that? To know your Toxicity Level! The person who is reading this may be the victim of suffocation brought about by the poisons in the environment, but you may also be hurt, because you feel that you are the one who I was referring to previously, as “toxic”. Well, here is your chance to clear out your name and liberate your reputation from the bad feedbacks you receive from your friends, classmates, workmates and other people. After reading this, I swear to you that your possibly irritating attitude and unwelcoming presence, which hinders you from socialization and meeting true life companies, shall be rehabilitated afterwards. Rehabilitation? That’s tough, am I really that worse? The answer is NO, not yet! That is why I am here to help you claim your “Most Friendly” and “Most Improved” awards already! Let’s start.
First, before anything else, I should tell you that whatever which is written here, are careful, friendly reminders and precautions, which are never meant to degrade or accuse you of something you are not. It is definitely imperative for you to know if someone sees you as a toxic person or not! Failure to identify this means that you are only assuming that the person dislikes you and is trying to do his/her best every time you encounter each other. False assumptions are bad; you don’t want to end up confronting the wrong people. So what do I need to do to discern whether a person likes me or not? Well, you need your sense of sight and feel your environment properly. You do not need to hear the word, “toxic”, coming from the mouths of people for you to comprehend that they do not want to be in close contact with you. The adjective comes in many disguises, and can be expressed either verbally or non-verbally. They label their subject using other names, such as, bully, feeler, pest, enemy, Mr. /Ms. Unlikable and other ridiculous and unfriendly nicknames. Some might not talk harsh, but act harsher than usual when they see you. It is inevitable that someone will always hate you for an unknown reason, but you need to indeed search for the known motives on why that person despises you, and work on it. There will always be situations in which you will be supremely overconfident that you have done nothing wrong, and it’s the people around you who is to blame for their attitudes toward you. HEY! the opinions of others may not always be the first things to keep in mind, but you have to intermittently check up your personality, if it does good for you, brings up others, or rather offends many, because take note that, Positive attracts Positive and Negative attracts Negative. Agree with me or not, but there are actions, expressions, language and opinions that might seem amusing or relevant to you, but never to the community you are in. There are three points, or what we should call as the X-Factors, why others give you that death stare, tormenting look or sidesteps every time you come across them in the corridor or lobby at school or work. These are the first impression you give, the tone of your voice and body language. Don’t be mistaken, I am never encouraging you to change every aspect of yourself, so that others will freely accept you, I am teaching you how to be more adjustable to the different personalities around you, so that you could be a more sociable and welcoming entity, who is open to criticisms, easy to reach, negotiable and a magnet to the most positive groups encircling you. You do it for yourself, not for others.
1. The First Impression you give
You can’t deny it that as you enter that classroom door or office workspace, a dozen or more eyes would be scanning you from head to toe and monitoring your first move to the last, and what’s even worse is that you have to pass these watchful eyes and endure the undistinguishable whispers. But none of these should be your worry; it must be making the best first impression! Why? The action that you perform could create a great impact consciously or unconsciously to your reputation and other’s feedback. People talk, you can’t stop them, but you must try your best to not let them find faults in you, and instead highlight all your best. Try this on your first day; enter the room with a BANG! Smile to the closest workmate or schoolmate and see that they’ll do the same, talk to your seatmate about relevant topics and do this habit every day; you’ll later see that things and events will be as good as it’ll ever be. There are many people who lose the opportunity to make themselves known, and end up at the back seats, because they are misunderstood because of their unimpressive first impressions.
When you are new in a community, know how to perform the right actions in the precise time on the proper place, you want to be seen as a thinker, quietly playing with his/her philosophical ideas not as some boast or seeker of attention.
2. Tone of your Voice
Proper modulation, that’s all I could say. I know many people who quarrel just because of expressing themselves using the wrong intonation, though they mean well, it sounds the exact opposite. I believe that the real attitude of a person is revealed once he/she faces stressful situations. You may not be referred as toxic most of the time, but in certain circumstances, you feel that you have to be one, in order to draw attention to others, with the noblest intentions of uplifting the team or cooperation’s spirits, but trust me, stressing yourself out by shouting and speaking unpleasantly, exterminate everything and everyone around you. Ask me why I know about this. Ask me! I’ve been part of many organizations, participated in projects, led hundreds of groups and been with different sets of schoolmates for many years, and shouting, complaining and repeated groaning during crunch time and activities, has never done the trick, instead it causes a pile of disagreement and series of uproars on every corner of the table. Trust me; you wouldn’t want to be remembered as the wailing banshee or the talkative parrot who has done nothing helpful or worthwhile for the team. Talk in the most appeasing and motivational way as possible, to calm whatever tension there is, and everyone will be eager for more of what you have to say.
3. Body Language
Bad posture, yawning, cracking jokes unexpectedly, resting your feet on someone’s chair, indecently sleeping while someone is talking or while everyone is brutally working their heads off during work hours, they’ll see you cosily sipping the afternoon’s coffee while surfing your social media accounts, these are few of the many irritating instances we do not want to see others doing while we are attentive in something we are doing. Again, these bodily behaviours we display wherever we are at, may be accidentally or deliberately done by our reflexes because it is what makes us feel at home, but we have to be honesty extra sensitive to other’s feelings and concerns. Haven’t you noticed, that murders and scandalous street fights are always caused by misinterpreted actions? Imagine this, as a man lazily yawned and raised his hands, it hit the alphabetized, clear covered compilation of a newly printed paperwork carried by a stressed office mate, and the pages flew in every direction. You could surely tell me what happened next, there was a brawl that happened, even if the unknowing man apologized, the harm had been done, and though that situation could be resolved by rearranging the scattered papers, put in mind that not all situations could be easily cured, and not everyone has the ability to forgive, we’ve got to understand that. Whatever deed you perform publicly or privately, shows what kind of person you are, and whatever mental image others plant in their minds of you, is uncontrollable, and may be in need of reshaping and persuasion.
I am not giving you these tips to make you likeable, but to be “loveable”. If you hurt or oppressed someone or somebody long ago or recently because of a fault you have done unto them, intently or not, now is your chance to apologize and make things better. People are angry and upset always for a specific reason, possibly at you, your action or appearance at a very bad timing, but you must ensure that you at least tried to make things better, despite the constant rejections of apology by that person. Time heals, it really does.
I put my hands onto yours, and grasp them tightly to pray that everyone who you had stepped on would soon accept all your sincerest pleas for forgiveness, in spite of the gravity of the pain you had distressed them with. Also, that your present toxicity towards others would at once evaporate, and serve as renewed oxygen for the lost souls to breathe in.
Do not be toxic, be FANTASTIC.